I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
