I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
