All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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