Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
