Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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