my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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