i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
