literally had 100 drinks last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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