Duck Duck Cougar?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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