We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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