I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
