It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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