Your face is a jimmy john
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
