i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
