It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
