Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
