as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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