i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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