tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
