my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
