ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
