He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
