you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
