how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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