Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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