He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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