I smell stomach acid.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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