Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
