Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
