If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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