i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
