apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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