i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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