I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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