you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize