Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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