So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
