he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
