he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
