I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
