I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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