He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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