His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
