Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
