There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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