I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
