I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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