She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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