dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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