He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
