I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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