Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
