Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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