My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
