she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
