I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
