Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
