I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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