It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
