Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
