Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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